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Happiness
How do you attain happiness when it appears that things are crumbling all around you? Well the good news is that happiness is not a byproduct of external things such as wealth, fame or success. Happiness is created from within. It is an attitude which multiplies feelings of gratitude which feeds happiness. When I attended a happiness conference I was taught that gratitude and focusing on staying in the moment were two essential ingredients found in happiness quotient. Marci Shimoff researched the subject and found that people could increase their happiness if they practiced 3 essential laws cited below.
The Law of Universal Support
I began to notice that my clients had similar experiences. Take Julie who had been downsized from a high paying media job where she made over $150,00 to manage radio programming. When she lost her position she told herself that she would never would have had the courage to leave such a position because she had always "played it safe." She believed that her termination was pushing her towards consultation and working on her own which had been a dream of hers for over 5 years. She told me, "Maybe this is the universe's way of saying "Julie you can do great things once you break out of you comfort zone" As a result, she did not see herself as a victim She started to pursue other companies who would benefit from her expertise. She felt that the Universe was there to support her which gave her the CONFIDENCE to take her life to the next level!
The Law of Abundance
My clients Tim and Terry contacted me because they felt that their marriage was dead. They reported that they had fallen out of love with each other but knew they should stay together because of the kids. I felt like they had come to see me to get permission to go their separate ways. I asked them if they were willing to learn and practice some techniques before they threw in the towel? They half heartedly agreed they would try but they weren't convinced that what you appreciate...appreciates! I suggested that they practice the Law of Abundance. I explained that they should focus on the strengths they saw within the marriage and if they truly focused on the positives, it would likely encourage more positive feelings in their relationship. They quickly realized that when they focused on what was wrong in the relationship it created a feeling of scarcity but when they worked from a place of abundance, they saw more potential. I need not tell you that after 90 days their relationship was renewed and they recommitted themselves to each other.
The Law of Attraction
Sandy wanted a relationship but came in complaining that she just did not believe that it would ever happen. Secretly I felt that she was sabotaging herself unconsciously so I gave her the assignment to find things in her life that would fill her with love and joy. I knew she would have more luck if she filled herself with the feeling she so desperately wanted. She started playing guitar, spent more time with her nieces and adopted a puppy. Needless to say her increased sense of happiness attracted several men who had much to offer her but then when you practice all the love in your life...you attract it.
Do you need to increase your happiness factor? Which law might you practice to bring more happiness into your life?
The Law of Universal Support
I began to notice that my clients had similar experiences. Take Julie who had been downsized from a high paying media job where she made over $150,00 to manage radio programming. When she lost her position she told herself that she would never would have had the courage to leave such a position because she had always "played it safe." She believed that her termination was pushing her towards consultation and working on her own which had been a dream of hers for over 5 years. She told me, "Maybe this is the universe's way of saying "Julie you can do great things once you break out of you comfort zone" As a result, she did not see herself as a victim She started to pursue other companies who would benefit from her expertise. She felt that the Universe was there to support her which gave her the CONFIDENCE to take her life to the next level!
The Law of Abundance
My clients Tim and Terry contacted me because they felt that their marriage was dead. They reported that they had fallen out of love with each other but knew they should stay together because of the kids. I felt like they had come to see me to get permission to go their separate ways. I asked them if they were willing to learn and practice some techniques before they threw in the towel? They half heartedly agreed they would try but they weren't convinced that what you appreciate...appreciates! I suggested that they practice the Law of Abundance. I explained that they should focus on the strengths they saw within the marriage and if they truly focused on the positives, it would likely encourage more positive feelings in their relationship. They quickly realized that when they focused on what was wrong in the relationship it created a feeling of scarcity but when they worked from a place of abundance, they saw more potential. I need not tell you that after 90 days their relationship was renewed and they recommitted themselves to each other.
The Law of Attraction
Sandy wanted a relationship but came in complaining that she just did not believe that it would ever happen. Secretly I felt that she was sabotaging herself unconsciously so I gave her the assignment to find things in her life that would fill her with love and joy. I knew she would have more luck if she filled herself with the feeling she so desperately wanted. She started playing guitar, spent more time with her nieces and adopted a puppy. Needless to say her increased sense of happiness attracted several men who had much to offer her but then when you practice all the love in your life...you attract it.
Do you need to increase your happiness factor? Which law might you practice to bring more happiness into your life?
Self Respect
When people enter into a partnership, there will always be issues that they will have to accept about the other person. However, when one person blatantly disregards the feelings of his or her spouse, it becomes a serious problem. It is difficult to watch people repeatedly put up with substandard behavior from their loved ones. All too often, I see one partner who mistreats the other by verbally or emotionally berating him or her. Frequently there are indiscretions that contaminate the relationship.
It is easy to blame the irresponsible “perpetrator” who is not committed to the relationship. However, a seasoned professional knows that the “victim” holds the power card because they ultimately have the choice to stop the insanity. It is up to this person who is repeatedly disappointed to decide how much abuse or neglect she will take before the decision is made to move out of the relationship.
I remember a client whose spouse had been staying out late, drinking with the guys and philandering on a regular basis. He seemed to have a total disregard for their relationship. To make matters worse, my client complained that she was receiving one to two calls per week from strange women who wanted to talk to her husband. She found this intolerable.
As she told her story, you could see her anger, hurt, and disgust. She became empowered, made statements about not putting up with this any longer, and declared her intentions to set limits and boundaries. But the next week she would revert back to her old behaviors which lacked empowerment. She would return to denial and say, “But he swears they are only friends” or “I don’t think he would have had time to sleep with her.” It was as if her anger had motivated her to stand up for herself and then she slipped back into that passive state where it seemed easier to tolerate the behavior than to take a stand of self-respect.
She knew that she was in therapy to become accountable for what she was willing to put up with emotionally. She needed to look at the pros and cons of staying in the relationship, the trade-offs and the toll it was taking on her emotional health.
After she rationally assessed her situation, she began to look at her options. She recognized her choices and took back her power. My client had initially come in feeling helpless because she couldn’t make her husband stop his behavior. She knew that she needed to learn assertiveness and share her feelings even though it didn’t change him. She learned that she needed to be more independent and stand on her own two feet, even if but it didn’t stop him from cheating. She developed more relationships and became less dependent on him even though it didn’t alter his behavior. As she got stronger it became inevitable that she would need to make the ultimate decision. She eventually separated which resulted in a divorce.
Two years later she married a wonderful man who adores her. She still has a soft spot in her heart for her ex, but she knows that she deserved a better life for herself. She heard from friends that her ex-husband continues to cheat despite his new marriage. It appeared that nothing would change. She felt gratitude that although she could not change the way he treated her, she could stand up for herself and create the dignity she deserved.
It is easy to blame the irresponsible “perpetrator” who is not committed to the relationship. However, a seasoned professional knows that the “victim” holds the power card because they ultimately have the choice to stop the insanity. It is up to this person who is repeatedly disappointed to decide how much abuse or neglect she will take before the decision is made to move out of the relationship.
I remember a client whose spouse had been staying out late, drinking with the guys and philandering on a regular basis. He seemed to have a total disregard for their relationship. To make matters worse, my client complained that she was receiving one to two calls per week from strange women who wanted to talk to her husband. She found this intolerable.
As she told her story, you could see her anger, hurt, and disgust. She became empowered, made statements about not putting up with this any longer, and declared her intentions to set limits and boundaries. But the next week she would revert back to her old behaviors which lacked empowerment. She would return to denial and say, “But he swears they are only friends” or “I don’t think he would have had time to sleep with her.” It was as if her anger had motivated her to stand up for herself and then she slipped back into that passive state where it seemed easier to tolerate the behavior than to take a stand of self-respect.
She knew that she was in therapy to become accountable for what she was willing to put up with emotionally. She needed to look at the pros and cons of staying in the relationship, the trade-offs and the toll it was taking on her emotional health.
After she rationally assessed her situation, she began to look at her options. She recognized her choices and took back her power. My client had initially come in feeling helpless because she couldn’t make her husband stop his behavior. She knew that she needed to learn assertiveness and share her feelings even though it didn’t change him. She learned that she needed to be more independent and stand on her own two feet, even if but it didn’t stop him from cheating. She developed more relationships and became less dependent on him even though it didn’t alter his behavior. As she got stronger it became inevitable that she would need to make the ultimate decision. She eventually separated which resulted in a divorce.
Two years later she married a wonderful man who adores her. She still has a soft spot in her heart for her ex, but she knows that she deserved a better life for herself. She heard from friends that her ex-husband continues to cheat despite his new marriage. It appeared that nothing would change. She felt gratitude that although she could not change the way he treated her, she could stand up for herself and create the dignity she deserved.
Retraining Your Brain: The Pursuit of Happiness
In this article you will learn how promote happiness regardless of the stress around you.. We all are facing the challenges of dealing with the economic downturn; however there are certain skills that you can learn that will keep you strong during these times.
Happiness is not a byproduct of external things such as wealth, fame or success. Happiness is created from within. Happiness is an attitude which multiplies feelings of gratitude which directly feeds your sense of happiness. People who are truly happy believe in 2 universal laws that support them. They believe that despite hard economic times, this world is here to support them and as a result, they utilize the support around them. They also know that when they focus on what is going right, they are more likely to co-create that experience and live from that experience.
Many clients wonder what they need to do to create more happiness in their life. I encourage them to learn the skill of reframing. Reframing is the ability to take any situation and see the positives in it. I tell my clients that it is the ability to “put a positive spin on things”.
Let's look at some common situations and see how to apply these concepts.
• Getting a divorce?
Look at divorce as an opportunity to grow as an individual. You can’t stop the process, so ask yourself what you can do to get through it with integrity.
• Losing 60% of your net worth because of the stock market?
Tell yourself that losing the money allows you an opportunity to find other creative ways to make money. Refocus on what you do have in your life as opposed to the monetary losses.
• Does a family member or friend have a terminal illness?
Remind yourself that you can make a difference in their life and recognize what differences they have made in your life. Focus on the moment instead of the future. You will experience this person differently when your focus becomes appreciation.
I picked three traumatic situations to highlight that life is about how we choose to look at things. It’s not the outcome but the journey that we need to stay focused on and learn from. If you make the conscious choice to look at life with a positive attitude, you will promote that state of well-being that will create happiness.
Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Yet, we live in a society that doesn’t promote happiness unless you meet its rigid standards. Consequently, you will need to fight the urge to be a specific size, make a particular income, or acquire materialistic things.
Unfortunately we weren’t trained in school to develop happiness and yet it is an easy skill to learn if you practice the following steps daily.
• Train your mind to focus on what is going right in your daily life
• Replace the negative self-talk with a positive statement. When negative thoughts occur make a conscious choice to refocus on the positives and “create a positive spin”.
• Repeat the positive statement silently to yourself. As you do this your attitude becomes naturally more joyful and positive.
• Use reframing in any situation that appears problematic. Look at what a situation has to teach you or how it has made you stronger. You will replace the victim role and have a better sense of your own personal strength!
Happiness is not a byproduct of external things such as wealth, fame or success. Happiness is created from within. Happiness is an attitude which multiplies feelings of gratitude which directly feeds your sense of happiness. People who are truly happy believe in 2 universal laws that support them. They believe that despite hard economic times, this world is here to support them and as a result, they utilize the support around them. They also know that when they focus on what is going right, they are more likely to co-create that experience and live from that experience.
Many clients wonder what they need to do to create more happiness in their life. I encourage them to learn the skill of reframing. Reframing is the ability to take any situation and see the positives in it. I tell my clients that it is the ability to “put a positive spin on things”.
Let's look at some common situations and see how to apply these concepts.
• Getting a divorce?
Look at divorce as an opportunity to grow as an individual. You can’t stop the process, so ask yourself what you can do to get through it with integrity.
• Losing 60% of your net worth because of the stock market?
Tell yourself that losing the money allows you an opportunity to find other creative ways to make money. Refocus on what you do have in your life as opposed to the monetary losses.
• Does a family member or friend have a terminal illness?
Remind yourself that you can make a difference in their life and recognize what differences they have made in your life. Focus on the moment instead of the future. You will experience this person differently when your focus becomes appreciation.
I picked three traumatic situations to highlight that life is about how we choose to look at things. It’s not the outcome but the journey that we need to stay focused on and learn from. If you make the conscious choice to look at life with a positive attitude, you will promote that state of well-being that will create happiness.
Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Yet, we live in a society that doesn’t promote happiness unless you meet its rigid standards. Consequently, you will need to fight the urge to be a specific size, make a particular income, or acquire materialistic things.
Unfortunately we weren’t trained in school to develop happiness and yet it is an easy skill to learn if you practice the following steps daily.
• Train your mind to focus on what is going right in your daily life
• Replace the negative self-talk with a positive statement. When negative thoughts occur make a conscious choice to refocus on the positives and “create a positive spin”.
• Repeat the positive statement silently to yourself. As you do this your attitude becomes naturally more joyful and positive.
• Use reframing in any situation that appears problematic. Look at what a situation has to teach you or how it has made you stronger. You will replace the victim role and have a better sense of your own personal strength!
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